Shopping for Doulas...

So Nathanael and I stayed home from work on Wednesday in order to go down to the base to finalize our benefits from the military due to him FINALLY being officially retired (I am so proud of him btw but that's a story for another blog entry). Afterwards we decided to watch a few episodes of a "Baby Story" just to you know, educate ourselves. Why is it that after the end of the first episode we both were having mild anxiety attacks? I think it hit us how truely "unprepared" we really are. Nathanael started hyperventialing as he shouted "we haven't toured the hospital, we don't know where to go, why haven't we taken any classes yet, how are we going to know what to do???"

Hmmm.... how the hell are we going to know what to do is a VERY good question indeed. I know everyone says you can never be "fully" prepared for childbirth but seriously, I don't think anyone is as clueless as us. Actually he knows more about babies then I do which is scary. When we went to register at Babies R US I had no idea what to get and he was telling me what to put on the list. Did you know babies need different size car seats throughout their lives? So you can't put a 40 lb, 2 year old in an "infant" careseat? What? Imagine my poor baby huey pouring over the sides of his carseat. Thank God for Nathanael on that one!

So I came up with a BRILLIANT solution! How about hiring one of those nifty women who help you while you're laboring??? There was one on the Baby Story and she looked nice. She was very encouraging and hand holding while the mother was in labor and seemed to have a calming effect. Although I initally said I didn't want ANYONE in the delivery room but Nathanael, myself and the medical staff, when I used the word "ANYONE" I was mainly referring to people I know...no offense but I just think my friends and I are close enough w/o them having to view my vagina in full effect and my family...well come on, do you blame me for not wanting mi familia there after all the stories I've told you????

And please if I hear one more person say "oh you'll loose all modesty once you're in the midst of labor" I will punch you. I promise. In the face. And blame it on the hormones. Because you obviously don't know me. Believe me I am no prude. I'm actually going to go take those pretty nude pregnancy photos as a matter of fact. I just don't think grunting, possibly pooping, possibly farting, sweating, and vagina in the air is all that attractive a stance that I want to share with my dearest loved ones. Except Nathanael. He will be subjected. Because he got me into this mess with his super chemo sperm :).

So onto doula shopping I have gone. Another disclaimer, I'm not one of those fanatical "I will only have a natural birth" kind of women. I'm just playing with the idea right now. Thinking things through. Open to trying, if you will. If the pain gets too bad then yes, please drug my ass up. But if I can get through this with the simple help of my husband and a paid psuedo mother I never had (literally) then that would be cool too. I have concerns either direction I go. If it's a natural birth then there's the whole pain factor and if it's a drugged birth there's the side effects of itchiness, shakes, vomiting, stalling labor, not being able to pee after, not being able to walk for hours after delivery, sore back for months where the epidural was placed, that kind of thing.

Shoot when I list it like that the pain thing doesn't sound so bad does it? Oh and how do I know all this you all wonder? Google of course! And also my very informative chat sites where I bug the women endlessly to tell me all the truths about childbirth on nearly a daily basis. They are so sweet and comply with my neurotic needs diligently. I just love them.

Another thing that kinda triggered this desire for a new, expensive, accessory in the delivery roon is a recent annoying conversation I had with my sister who called to advise me to "just have an epidural". What prompts this request (translation= demand) you might ask? Well she was just thinking that with all the pain I've been "talking" (translation = complaining) about and she "thinks" (translation= knows) that I won't do "well" without an epidural (translation = you're a wimp).

Don't you just love how when you're pregnant everyone else thinks it's their perogative to tell you what to do? Honestly I always heard this before I was pregnant but I never fully realized to the extent that it is true until now.

Well if you know me, you know I like to prove people who doubt me WRONG...espcially when it's my family. I know that this is not a competition, I don't win a prize at the end if I have a natural birth, but I can't help but think why can't I? Especially when someone tells me I "can't". Who knows me and my body better then I do? Who knows what I can handle better then I do? Yes I like to talk about all my aches and pains but come on, I like to be funny and my ailments happen to make good material. In all honesty I don't think I'm THAT big of a cry baby. I get bikini waxs like a champ, got a tatoo without taking the many breaks the tattoo artist offered, been through 6 uterine surgeries, given myself shots in the stomach daily for umpteen weeks at a time, threw up daily for 18 weeks of pregnancy...yes I know childbirth does not compare but I do have some confidence in myself. You never know what you can actaully endure until you are put up for the challenge. So I can try it right? And if I fail oh well...big deal, then I succomb and ask for drugs and we call it a day. At least I tried.

I don't know if there's enough space on birth plan forms to write all I said above but my husband, Dr, and my doula will know my take on things. I've corresponded with some so far via email and should be meeting to interview a couple in the next few weeks. I'll keep you up to date on the outcomes! I love buying new things on the internet these days.