Random stuff...

I haven't written for a little bit and I just know my audience is on pins and needles wondering what's happening in the land of the special ed uterus. Well, not much, I am proud to announce! I feel little Zech move all the time now. I think he likes doing somersaults because I get this plopping sensation a lot...I hope you read that correctly...I said PLOPPING not pooping. Just in case you're skimming I don't want you to be confused. Or grossed out. Anyway, it's as if he's just turning over and over sometimes. It's fun and weird all at the same time.

So I know I've been talking about God a lot lately. I mean how can I not when I/we have had so many experiences that can only be explained by HIM? But I do feel the need to also say I have not gone to the dark side or anything. Do not worry. I am still a hard core democrat. Oh and I still am and always will be a bleeding heart social worker. Because I know you were all getting worried. Nope. I am living proof you can be grounded, liberal, and still believe and work for Him. Not to toot my own horn or anything.

Part of me wishes I would have figured this out years ago, that you can be both...but hey if I had I might not be as appreciative as I am today. So this was/is my journey into spirituality. I'm good with that.

One thing kinda interesting that has happened lately is regarding my last loss actually. Some of you may know the story. Here's the edited version if you don't know or don't recall (because certainly I can't expect you all to keep up with my reproductive issues): In January 2006 I was rear ended on the 110 fwy in downtown LA....in parking lot traffic I might add...The guy who hit me was uninsured and had a suspended driver's license. He was driving for his company at the time. Anyway, I was taken to the hospital...I mean if you can call USC Medical Center a hospital. It's more like a dungeon for the criminally insane. I almost went to blows with the ER Dr. when I first arrived there because he wanted to do Xrays and I wouldn't let him (FYI no X rays when pg). Finally he "found" an u/s machine and attempted to perform an u/s. He was doing it incorrectly until I informed him that a 7 week old fetus can not be viewed through an abdominal u/s and so he had to do it internally. Finally when he figured out his ass from his elbow, he did the u/s and we saw a heartbeat but the machine was broken so he couldn't get the beats per minute. He sent a nurse on a search for another machine. I asked for one not made in 1932...I thought they might have better luck. Nurse returns with another decrepit looking thing about 20 minutes later. Says this is all she could find. Dr does the u/s again...this time no heartbeat on the screen. He calls for another Dr to take a look. He confirms. The baby had died in those few minutes between u/s machine changes.

I remember the experience as if it happened yesterday. I was wheeled out to the hallway after being told the baby was no longer viable to wait for x rays...you know now that the baby was dead I had no reason to not get xrays done on my back and neck. Inmates from the county jail were being escorted in all around me. Gunshot victims pushed passed me while I waited...and waited...and waited....Since I can't expect medical personnel to know, 6 hours later, I ask to use the restroom and possibly get something to eat or drink... because even though the baby was dead my body hadn't registered that just yet and it was still acting pg (ie having to pee every 5 min and very hungry). No one comes to help. I ask again. Nathanael has arrived by this time and he asks about 3 more times. Still no help. The next nurse/janitor or whatever she was that walked by I scream that I have to use the bathroom NOW and that if I don't get something to eat I am going to f-ing take the neck brace off and walk out of there. I also tell her the whole baby dead/body not knowing that analogy in a VERY graphic way (one of the stages of grief is anger and I was in ENGULFED in that stage at that moment!. I guess she got it. She directed Nathanael to a vending machine 4 floors away and wheeled me into an unused room (ummm riiight...why was my ass in the hallway when that room was EMPTY???? ) She put me on a bedpan and left....for about 30 min. Nathanael came back and had to help me off the bedpan. Good thing he did too because she never returned. X rays are finally taken and another u/s just for s%&ts and giggles. Baby was still gone. Dr. told me they want me to stay overnight for observation because I complained of cramping at the scene of the accidnet (duh! That's what happens when you m/c Einsteins). I was taken to another floor where they park me next to a Charles Manson looking guy handcuffed to the bed. A very rude nurse told Nathanael he had to leave and could come back to visit in an hour for 10 min. I say no...I don't want him to go. They said it's policy that only one person could visit every hour for 10 min. There was a little girl across the way from me and Charles who has both her mother and father there with her. I ask why she got to have 2 people there with her and if they were going to have to leave in 10 min????? I get this look like I'm insane. What? I didn't care that she was 4 years old! I had just lost my baby. WE had just lost our baby and I didn't want to spend the night next to Charlie by myself!!! Rude nurse said if I don't like it I can leave AMA. Ohhhh don't temp me ....I checked myself out AMA. A Dr. came and tried to talk me into staying. I refused. She was trying to be nice but I had had it. They still made Nathanael leave the room while they processed my AMA status. I walked out of the hospital in a hospital gown and my boots (good look, it's on all the runways in Paris). Seriously this is what I was wearing because the ambulance people cut my clothes off of me on the freeway. I look around for Nathanael and see that he, my sister and my parents were made to stand outside. Nathanael runs up to me, takes off his shirt, and puts it on me. My mom takes off her shoes and makes me wear hers (she has a thing about me and heels...she always thinks I'm gonna fall another )...........we went home.

Ooops did I say that was the edited version? Believe it or not that was! So much more happened. But I'll stop. Back to the point at hand. I obtained a lawyer. Let's just say the referral source for this lawyer is not the best judge of character ... BUT that's another story, so I get this lawyer. He is a nightmare to work with. For about a year he puts me through a lot of ridiculous questions, chasing of my tail, and humiliating discussions. Let me just give you an example so you get the jist. The first time I met him he asked me to get up and walk across the room. Me being a freakin idiot hesitantly does it. When I return to my chair he says "ok good...you're attractive. Juries like that" Then he says "Please tell me you're at least part Hispanic?" I tell him I am full Mexican. His response "Great...because I think we can file this case in downtown and that place is full of Mexicans...but if we have to file in Pasadena you're shit out of luck. We'll get a bunch of white people on the jury" OMG! Ok so maybe there's something to his little therory but really??? Is that how people talk???

Anyway the last time he and I had a major conversation he made me so upset I just threw my hands up in the air when I got off the phone with him and decided NOTHING was worth dealing with him about. I concluded on that day I would answer his requests only if he had any, keep conversations VERY short, and just write this whole thing off. I wanted to just ride the statute of limitations out (2 years from the date of the accident) and hopefully he and this case would go away. I can honestly say this was the first time in my life that I made a conscious decision to "give it up to God".

In case you're wondering why I didn't just fire this guy's ass it's because I had signed a retainer. If I fired him I would have had to pay him for his services thus far. And I was not going to do that because knowing him he'd charge like $100000000000000 for something he had faxed.

So the last few weeks he's been calling me. He asked for a few records that I already sent him almost 2 years ago but I just grinned, said "sure", and mailed them off to him again.

This last Saturday he called and told me he had settled my case.

I was shocked. We are actually going to be compensated by the driver's company for pain and suffering.

Lawyer gets 33% but that still leaves a nice amount to do Zechy's nursery, pay off debt, and set up a college fund for him.

Unexpected and the timing is just incredible.

Obviously nothing can take the place of the baby that was lost...nor does this actually erase the bad memories....the hyperventilation that took/takes place when I have had to take that route subsequently after the accident...the flashbacks of getting rear ended even today when traffic is a little congested or I see someone going a tad too fast behind me....or the fact that I had to get rid of my car because I couldn't stand being in the one place that the baby was last alive in.

But it's recognition. It's tangible recognition that someone...for whatever the reason, decided that I did indeed suffer.

Sometimes no matter the "amount" it's just good to receive validation. What I experienced was real. That baby was real. And I didn't have to scream it from the rooftops...well not literally, to get someone to see that.